Miles From Fenway

Pooping Problems
July 17, 2006, 3:04 am
Filed under: dating

Ok ladies, it’s time I speak up, I can’t be the only one who has this problem. Show some solidarity, and let me know I’m not alone. Or, make fun of me mercilessly. Whichever.

See, I have a pooping problem. No, it’s not medical. It’s completely psycholigical. Some women can’t poop in public restrooms. Some can’t unless they know no one else is around. Still others can ONLY poop in their own bathrooms. I’ve never had a problem with this. No, my issue? I can’t poop at my boyfriend’s apartment.

No joke, The Twin and I have been dating for somewhere around a year (if you count our “previous relationship” as he refered to it this weekend) and I still can not bring myself to poop at his place. This poses quite a problem when I stay at his place for say, the entire weekend, as I did the last two days. I mean, two days without pooping?! That’s just downright unhealthy!!

And it makes absolutely no sense. Everyone Poops! It’s not like it would come as a big shock to him that I have certain biological needs! and hell, when MM lived with me half our conversations revolved around poops. We were poop freaks! I even TRIED to poop this weekend, while The Twin was outside, not even IN the apartment. Nope, still couldn’t do it.

And it’s not like I haven’t been completely gross in front of him. I’ll burb, get food all over my face while scarfing down some delicuosly bad for me food, hell we spent all weekend doing yard work that left me sweaty, covered in dirt, and smelling completely foul. And yet, still no poop for Finy.

Seriously, ladies, help me out here, what the HELL is my problem?!


19 Comments so far
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Actually, not to burst your bubble, but that’s actually not a gender-specific problem. Trust me…

And I also have a tough time peeing in public restrooms. I hate to do this, but I blame Fenway park. Back in the day, they actually had troughs in Fenway, and the troughs were in the center of the room, not pushed up against the wall. So you actually stood across from someone peeing as you tried to pee. (The troughs were, thankfully, removed a long time ago).

I was young and I’m pretty sure it scarred me for life. So now I’m the guy who tries to time my restroom entry so I can pee in the stall and not in the urinal. But when you think about it, urinals are a fairly gross invention…

And that’s all I have to say on THAT issue.

Comment by Cope

Its so funny….I totally understand. My boyfriend had to do a “intervention” to get me to poop at his place. I wasn’t feeling very well (because I was staying at his place on vacation for almost a week and HADN’T POOPED) and he said..”maybe you just need to poop” and I said..I can’t. And he said…”WHAT?” and I explained how I couldn’t poop at his place (and haven’t been able to poop at other boyfriend’s houses in the past either) and he told me how absolutely unhealthy and ridiculous that was and how EVERYONE poops. It took me over 6 months…..but now I do it fine 🙂 there is hope!! 🙂 (god, I c an’t believe I just wrote that)

Comment by Amy

Hey I am going to agree with COPE on this one, definatly not gender specific. I can tell you a trick that worked for me with work a place I couldn’t poop. Lots of water, lots of vitamin C and something that gives you the runs. It will force you to poop. Sorry you are having such problems but once you get it going the floogates will open.

Comment by Ari

I can totally relate. Had the same problem with all the guys I’ve dated – except for ‘The One Who Got Away’ and even that took awhile.

Although, once you’re living with someone, if you still have trouble pooping, that is not good.

I have troubles at work, too – used to use the farthest bathroom away at my old job, praying nobody could hear me. And at my part-time job now, I use the less frequented one, hoping for more of the same.

But sometimes, if you gotta go, you gotta go. The only time I could care less is when I have my period – that’s when I seem to have more frequent issues.

(Lord, I can’t believe I wrote that!)

Comment by Miss Browneyedgirlie

I agree with Ari – if you eat something that you know will make you go, maybe that will break the trend. Lots of fruit can do it – and blueberries work really well.

Comment by Esther

OK, you’re about to become another year older, don’t you think it’s time you stopped using the word ‘poop’?

Comment by WelshSoxFan

Maybe it’d help if he played loud music while you’re in the bathroom? And, maybe, bring a can of air freshener. Seriously. It might help you get over your phobia if you’re sure you can’t be heard or smelled.

Don’t laugh; why else do you think that a lot of people run water when they’re in the bathroom doing their business?

Comment by mikey

My ex had the same thing except with going to the bathroom in general. She even would go downstairs to her old place to use the bathroom when she was over to my apartment.

Really bizarre. She couldn’t even urinate if she thought I could hear it. She eventually got to the point where she could urinate, but even then I had to go to the other side of the apartment and turn up the TV.

She also has the problem in general though with restrooms. She has an amazing ability to hold it forever it seemed. In the year we were dating, I could count on one hand of a high school shop teacher the number of times she used the bathroom while we were out.

Comment by edmund dantes

I sometimes can’t poo in my own house if we have guests! Like if my in-laws are around, that whole process shuts down until they leave!

Comment by Itchy

What about running the water while you try to go? Or definitely try when there’s a radio or TV on, that might help.

Comment by Meredith

I agree with the other guys who said it’s definitely not gender specific. Even my slackerly self deals with that same issue. My suggestion is a combination of ones above, but you need one more thing: something like home. Run some water or play some music to distract yourself, but you need something that lets you think it’s home. Myabe see if he’ll get the same shower curtain, or maybe use the same air freshener you use so mentally it feels like you’re home at your place. That coule probably help!

Comment by Chief Slacker

Wow, I talk about poops and you guys come out in FORCE. I love it! Thanks for all the suggestions, I’ll definitely be trying a few of them. I guess I find it more funny than anything – there’s absolutely no way I shouldn’t be able to poop there. And of course now that The Twin has read this when I DO eventually drop a deuce I’m going to end up coming out of the bathroom like a proud kid who just got potty trained.

Comment by FINY

I’m totally cracking up reading this post and the comments.

I, unfortunately, didn’t get the luxury of this dilemma…

Troy and I had gone out to eat on our 2nd ro third date, and I ate beef.. which was a no-no for my HIGHLY sensitive and overactive digestive system. we had to cut out of dessert early, and I put a hurting on… nay I say VIOLATED his bathroom.

getting really drunk gives me the craps, and removes the in-the-moment shame… maybe try that?

good luck.. I hope everythign comes out alright! HAH!

Comment by Carrie

Lots of carrots babe. Lots and lots of carrots. That’ll do the trick.

Comment by Derek

I have the saaaameee problem. In college I used to wait till 4am to take a poop just because I knew all the drunkards would be passed out, and it was too early for the athletes to get up. So I had 20 mins of poop peace. Then when I moved into my my first place.. my ex would visit. I would make him drive around till I was done pooping. Now I live with my fiance… I try and purposely forget Grocery items so he has to leave… if that does not work.. I make him turn up the tv and hold his wallet as collateral while im on the can… if he walks in the bathroom or anywhere near it I get to take his credit card for the day. I know I know I have problems… just thought to share so you wouldnt feel as awful.

Comment by Anna Katrina Maureen

Ok, so there’s posts ranging from 2006 into 2007…but has anybody found complete relief from this problem? I noted all of the “home remedies”, but for those of us that truly suffer (like Anna) then you know that this is a real mental, psyche problem that running water and a turned-up episode of Seinfeld isn’t going to help. No, for those of us that truly suffer ABSOLUTELY NOBODY can be in the same house at the time we need to poop (or pee – or both). Sad but true.

So back to my original question – has anybody found a doctor or physiologist that made this all ‘go away’?

Comment by Charisma

I’ve had this problem my entire life!

I just moved into a new place as well where I have a few new roommates, and they’re all males. I’m a female.

This makes it utterly impossible for me to poop. The bathroom is right beside one of the guy’s bedrooms, and I can hear everything he does in his room from the bathroom, so I assume he can hear everything I do from my side of the wall.

I haven’t pooped in two days and it’s really starting to get quite uncomfortable! I’m also super stressed about school, so that has contributed to constipation as well I think.

So all in all, I want to poop, but I can’t.

Been eating bananas like crazy and drinking lots of water, taking metamucil.

Come on poop…

Comment by DiamondHeadlights

I hope someone finds a way to fix this problem with us ladies. I dont even have the urge to poop at my boyfriends house. Over Turkey Day vacation I was there from Wednesday to Monday morning and I cant rember when the last time I went was. I been with my boyfriend a year and a half and stay with him Friday to Monday morning and went I get back to my appartment on Monday, soon as I walk in the door, it hits me. Its Monday at 5pm and I already pooped 3 times today. We should not have to live like this. My boyfriend says I’m not comfortable with him because I dont fart or poop when hes around.

Comment by britt britt

i am a dude. I actually regard myself as being very masculine. And yet I suffer severely from this problem, so clearly it is not gender-specific. I didn’t have a “safe place” to go growing up, having been raised in a small house with several siblings. Reading these blogs has given me confidence that I can improve. That’s a happy thought!
Keep bloggin

Comment by Benjamin

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